All weekends should be five-day weekends.

I took Wednesday off to extend the Thanksgiving holiday a little, which turned out to have been a wise decision all around. Wednesday morning, I went for a run and then came back and baked. I learned a very important lesson, which was that unbleached flour is not the same thing as all-purpose flour, and for the purposes of pie crust the two act very differently. It's a good thing that I've made pie crust before and know about how it should act when I make it, because when I made the crust with unbleached flour, it was acting very, very oddly.

I walked to the store and got all-purpose flour, and tried again. Muuuuch better.

I also made applesauce with a bunch of apples I got at Central Market. I made it with Granny Smith apples and didn't sweeten it at all, and added cinnamon and ground ginger, since I happened to have them both out after making the pumpkin pies.

The result was an applesauce that was more tart than sweet, and spicy with some ginger kick to it. It wasn't quite what I was expecting, but after extensive sampling I decided it was pretty good. I gave most of the batch to Sterling so I wouldn't eat the whole thing.

Anyway, I made the pumpkin pies for the next night, and then I had a lovely date with Bryan. NRE is still abounding, oh yes it is.

Thursday was Thanksgiving, and I got up that morning and ran four miles--a personal milestone. I'm not going to start doing four miles as a regular workout, since at that point it starts to be really too much time to take out of my workday, but my idea is to do four miles as one or both of my weekend runs, and then work my way up to five miles.

Thursday's run was also notable in that it felt really good to be out on the trail, stretching my legs and pounding the asphalt. I love the fact that I've gotten to the point where physical exertion can actually feel good. I never used to believe in the existence of endorphins, but I do now, boy howdy. I just had to get in good enough shape that the pain is less than the good feelings that result from working out.

Thanksgiving itself was lovely. Storm and Jen hosted, and pretty much the entire local family showed up. Laura, Sunnie and I discovered the dangers of warm mead on empty stomachs, as we all had a glass and then were all three sheets to the wind for an hour or so. There was the Drunk Girl Couch that we were all collapsed on, giggling. I'm certain we were extremely entertaining.

(The mead was wonderful, by the way. Sweet mead really does need to be served warm. They kept it in a pot of water on the woodburning stove, so it was lovely and warm and we didn't even have to go into the kitchen for it.)

The food was lovely, the company was wonderful, and I was reminded yet again that I am incredibly lucky to have all of these people in my life.

And the pumpkin pies met with a very warm reception. The crust turned out exceptionally well; for the first time in my life, I was entirely happy with how my pie crust turned out. I need to make some more pies, just to make sure I have it down. With gaming suspended for the next month or so, though, I have more difficulty finding people to inflict my baking on.

And for some reason, I really want to make custard pie. Mmmm, custard pie.

Friday, I'd scheduled a Sterling Day, and we started out early in the morning by going painting painting down in Federal Way. For the whole morning, we painted and painted and painted; Sterling finished about fifty ornaments for gifts and I made several presents for people, including something that has an actual freehand design that turned out much better than I expected. There will be pictures after the holidays, since it's destined for gifthood.

After painting painting, we went for a late lunch and then to a movie--we went to see Pirates of the Caribbean again, this time at the cheap theater in Shoreline.

I cannot wait till it comes out on DVD. I will own it, yes I will.

Saturday was a grrl day with Laura--we decided to experiment with a new craft. Making soap (the melt-and-pour kind) turns out to be a lot of fun. We made three different kinds--a vanilla jasmine batch, a sandalwood batch, and a sweet orange/ginger batch. Of the three, I think I like the vanilla jasmine the best, with the sweet orange running a close second.

Then she and I set up the Christmas tree. They have one of those fiber optic trees, and we really did mean to decorate it, but it was so shiny that we just turned off the lights, snuggled up on the couch, and talked for a couple of hours. Bryan came downstairs and joined us, and then we decided to go out for Krispy Kremes at 11:30, basically on a whim.

And then we came back and there was snuggling. I continue to be very, very happy with my life in general and these new/renewed relationships in particular. Everything will find its own level, and I am really enjoying the process of getting there.

Sunday was a quiet day; lots of snuggling in the morning, a long drive home for me due to several events going on in town, and then housecleaning and laundry.

I sat down to watch The Fellowship of the Ring and was struck with a couple of ideas for books to make; so much so that I turned off the movie and ran upstairs to cut Davy board and start covers. I finished one pair of covers and will be doing the other pair tonight; and then I'll make a template for the signatures. These are bigger books than I've made, and they're going to take a *lot* of paper.

There will be pictures, again post-holiday--both of these are destined to be gifts.

Overall? I am an exquisitely happy girl. Long weekends allow for a nice balance of people time and alone-with-kitties time. Things, in general, are really going very well.



There are small sadnesses, of course. But, mostly, they're manageable; a little bit of grief for not only this most recent ended relationship but some other ones that ended a long time ago. But at the same time, I know why things had to happen the way they did, and though they could have gone better, they also could have gone much, much worse.

And, more than that, I recognize now what some of the trouble was for--there were things I needed to learn, things that needed to happen to get me unstuck from the mire of the past. And now I can honor those things without feeling as if I need to repeat them.

I am not afraid, any more.



The plan for the week is pretty quiet, so far. I might be doing a day trip to Portland this weekend to go to the Saturday Market, but that's really all I have planned. Bookmaking, reading my bookclub book, maybe some writing, working out, drinking water. I have yet another podiatrist appointment on Thursday, and quite a bit of work stuff going on. And I have book club on Friday night, as well. (I think, at least.)

Winding down to the solstice and the quiet darkness.



My blessings:

1. Friendships, old, middling-distance, and new. I love y'all and I don't think I make that clear enough.
2. My job and my home, both of which are lovely.
3. My health, which has improved radically over the past couple of years. This is honestly the best I've felt since I was ten and I came down with the thyroid thing.
4. That I live in one of the most amazingly beautiful places on the planet. It honestly doesn't get much more perfect than the Pacific Northwest. (At least, for me.)
5. I haven't had a major depression since mid-2002, and that was based on circumstances, not the random black wave that I used to get. The last random major depression I had was in 1999, as I recall. I'll never be out of danger entirely, but every day I live without it improves my chances of altering my brain chemistry so I never get it again.
6. I can run three miles at a time without major issues. So this is what being in shape feels like.
7. having a good relationship with one's deity rocks. Even if she is a bit of a bitch sometimes.
8. There are things that really suck about empathy. However, the good parts far outweigh the bad parts.
9. My cats are fuzzy, healthy, and adore me. Cricket is getting past that unpleasant adolescent stage, Lilith is starting to mellow some, and Juniper is entering feline old age gracefully.
10. NRE is a fun, fun thing. I had actually forgotten how fun. Mmmmmm.
11. I am incredibly thankful for the new (and renewed) relationships in my life.
12. ...as well as the older ones. Can't leave y'all out. :)
13. The recent discovery of a part of myself that I thought was dead and gone forever--back in a new and much improved form, and filling up a place in my soul that had been vacant for years. That was the last major missing shard.
14. Chosen family.
15. Fun dreams for the future that may never come to pass, but are nice to think about.
16. That change always comes, whether we want it to or not.
17. That I can write, and do art, and in general inscribe upon the world the things I have inside of me.
18. big fuzzy teal bathrobes, after long hot showers. Mmmm. I am so warm and fuzzy right now.
19. I've turned in my membership card in the Crazy girl Club, apparently for good.
20. That I have become good at having patience.

...among other things, of course.




thanks giving

for rain in winter, for all
things in their own time.

for dark red love-knots,
for laughter in kitchens and
in cupboards and under stairs,
for kisses given and stolen
under berries white like pearls.

for children and cats, both sleeping
and in tornado whirls of motion.

for passion and for disappointment,
for broken hearts and the lessons
learned from injury.

for family both given and earned.

for endless motion in these misty nights,
these clear velvet nights, these moonless
lightless nights that stretch forever
till morning comes, and renews faith.

for the coming and going of light.

for wonder.
for drumbeats.
for heartbeats.

for this constellation of souls
like stars in our
common firmament.

--Kris Millering, 2000, rev. 2003

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