How do I even start to sum up the holiday? I had such a wonderful time. Much of my chosen family was there, minus the South African travelers. I came over early to help prepare, and eventually people began to trickle in. There was much feasting, lovely conversation, interesting presents (I finally got a pony for Christmas! Thank you, Laura. Cricket is terrified of it.), and homemade ginger beer. I made chipotle smashed sweet potatoes and mashed red potatoes, both of which turned out yummy. I am still obsessed with sweet potatoes, by the way. mmm, mmm, mmm.

Storm and Jen gave Bryan a Lord of the Rings Nerf crossbow, which led to all sorts of general hilarity as everyone needed to see what they could shoot with it. For a toy crossbow, it's got a very satisfying feel to it.

And there was cherries jubilee for dessert. There should be more food in the world that is lit on fire just before serving. I still want a kitchen torch to make creme brulee with; there's nothing that says "cooking!" like a blowtorch.

Eventually, people wandered off and we cleaned up a bit, and then tumbled into bed.

The next morning, we eventually got up and wandered downstairs. I talked to my folks on the phone, and my brother really wants me to meet his girlfriend. Evidently, they're probably going to get married in a couple of years, if all goes well. I'm glad someone in the world actually likes my pesky little brother, honestly.

Christmas Day was also at Bryan and Laura's place, and it was fun and low-stress. There were leftovers (and people brought MORE things to eat!), movies to watch, games to play, and a hot tub to soak in for a long time.

Holidays keep getting better and better. I am so glad I decided not to travel over the holidays any more; it means that I can spend them among people I love and who love me, and I don't have to brave the airports. And, you know, the holidays just keep getting better and better.

And my old friend Derek will be in town for New Year's, and I'm looking forward to seeing him. And life is just shiny all over!


I've now come to the end of my week off; I have the weekend, and then I'm back at work for a few days before another four-day weekend.

Tomorrow is chore day; I need to do laundry and get the house picked up. Not sure what I'm doing on Sunday as yet, except that it probably involves petting cats.

Time turns, and we with it.



As for everything else...

Things with Laura and Bryan continue to be wonderful. My heart's gone and outpaced my head, still, so I've been trying to find words for things that don't really have words to them yet. I'm starting to catch up, some; I needed to put some words around some insecurities last night before my brain would let me sleep. Naming fears diminishes them, especially when I can look at them and go, "Yes, it's a fear, but it's also a *silly* fear."

Basically, i'm in uncharted territory. It's been a very long time since I felt this strongly about anyone, honestly, and to feel this way about two people is sometimes a little overwhelming, in a good way. I'm afraid i'm going to mess up, somehow, make some accidental misstep that will bring everything crashing down. Logically, I know that it's very unlikely to happen, that nothing I could do accidentally is going to cause the world to cave in. Now that I've named the insecurity, it's diminished, and will probably soon depart entirely.

My relationship with Bryan is still very new ground; I'm still learning the patterns of giving and receiving, I'm still discarding pieces of past baggage one by one as I find them. My relationships with men in the past have never been easy, and I find myself looking for complexities that simply aren't there. Bryan keeps reminding me in ways large and small that he's not anyone else from my past. He doesn't need to say it, he simply *is*.

And as my relationship with Laura, continues to change and deepen, she keeps surprising me in ways I'm finding it impossible to articulate. They're all good, joyous, deeply wonderful ways, but they're so firmly fixed in my emotional side that my logical side can't even begin to define them well enough to put them into words.

At the core of things, I am extraordinarily happy. I feel like, in some way, I have come home.

And the rest is vague handwaving and happy sighs.



Next up is work, and then New Year's at Storm and Jen's place. And Derek will be in town, and the folks who are traveling will come home, and we'll see what happens next.

I think I'm going to wander off and be content, now.

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