This week really just kicked my ass.

I mean, in a good way, but it kicked my ass so thoroughly I'm sitting here on a Saturday night, having done nothing but bake, eat, and clean house all day with a slight detour for taking kittens to the vet, and I am just *wiped*.

I've been feeling kind of eh, recently; more on that later. But with the return of the light and the good drugs, I feel like i'm returning back to myself again. And where does that self go first thing after I've gotten back to it?

Back to the gym, of course. Where else?

I've started a yoga class, and wow. Owie. As anyone who's wrestrled with me recently can attest, I'm pretty strong for a girl. But my strength is all about motion.

Yoga's about the strength it takes to stay still. A very different kind of strength. I have been sore for pretty much the whole week. My absominal muscles are first in the bitch line, followed by my shoulders and the little muscles in my hips that I didn't actually know existed before.

And I ran this week, twelve miles total, and hit Curves twice. So, you know, yay me. I'm feeling better, obviously.

And I can smell spring. It's coming. It's going to rescue me from the grey and the damp. I can tell.



So about that whole feeling "eh" thing...

Okay, okay, I always forget that February is the worst month, winter-wise. February is that long grey space after the fun of winter has worn off and before the daffodils start blooming.

February is also, yes, doctor month.

I go to see my gyn every year about this time. If you'll recall, last year about this time it was revealed that my cervix wasn't going to get into Harvard; six months ago my pap came back clear and all was well. Well, this time my pap smear came back exceedingly not well; not well enough that I have to go have a LEEP done in the next couple of weeks.

I'm not terribly worried, honestly; it's a routine procedure, it should take care of it more or less permanently, and most important, I have loves who are being completely supportive of me. I've never had anyone actually go with me to doctor's appointments before. It's really been kind of nice.

So there was that, and then there was the fact that my thyroid meds were a bit off, and I was being very fuzzy brained, enough so that even people who weren't me noticed. I was forgetting everything, misspeaking myself a lot, and mixing up dates like there was no tomorrow.

I got my meds adjusted, and it's really helped. And, all along, I didn't turn cranky; I was always very snuggly and wanting affection, not wanting people to go farther away.

For the first time in a very long time, I'm pretty happy with how close and how far away people are. If anything, I'd like certian people cloer, not farther. It's a nice feeling, honestly. I don't feel crowded, at all.

Instead, I feel all loved. This makes me happy.


So things are getting better, and I've been doing a lot of writing, both fiction and nonfiction; we just reached a place in the story that would make an *awesome* transistion from one book to another, if this project ends up being more than one book long. (It very well might. I'm currently trying to write the beginning of the story to introduce people to the world, and it's been interesting to try and explain all of these things that I just take for granted.)

I've also been doing some writing in an attempt to get my head around certian things that have happened recently. Some meanderings about trust, some thoughts about what I might or might not do on the equinox.

Right now, I'm trying to learn how to trust the things that my body knows. My body's smarter than I am about some things; it sees things and whispers to me about them, and I ignore those things at my peril.

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