| November 11th; now we're following smoke | |
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So last night, Shannon tied me up and got me off a couple of times. It was a lot of fun.
and then we had kind of a discussion about this portion of my site and the fact that he thinks that everyone who reads it and doesn't know him thinks he's a bastard because I never write anything good about him. Which isn't strictly true, but I didn't want to get out of bed to refute his argument. I don't know. Part of me wants to say that it's my damn journal and I can write in it anything I want. Which includes not being sappy about anything or anyone, especially the people I feel the strongest about. But part of me doesn't want to hurt Shannon's feelings. I mean, i do it so much, anyway. Maybe if it was a paper journal with a lock I could get away with writing just about the things that make me unhappy. But, I don't know. And other parts of me just hate these discussions, all of these questions I don't want to ask because I know i don't want to hear the answer. Only in desperate circumstances will I ask questions that have answers I won't like. It's just part of how I deal with people. And these conversations never seem to have much effect except to make Shannon angry and me sad. Why do things you know will make you upset, if you don't expect to get something good out of it in the end? It's just going round and round on a road that leads you right back to the same place every time. Of coruse, i'm the queen of the self-perpetuating cycle, so i probably shouldn't talk. Anyway. I won't dwell. I'm going to bake a cake tonight, and if I get some frosting stuff today, i'll probably even decorate it. Oh, and I changed the name of this from today (which was overused and totally unoriginal) to following smoke, because I sometimes feel like my life is one long journey to recapture something I used to dream about.
I can't be contented with yesterday's glory
Sounds: Waterboys, This is the Sea Words: Sherri S. Tepper, After Long Silence
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