February 3rd; for two little girls who want to sleep
Sounds: Paula Cole, This Fire

Words: Anne McCaffrey, Crystal Singer

i've left bethlehem
i feel free
i've left the girl i was supposed to be and
someday i'll be born

i'm so tired of being shy
i'm not that girl anymore
i'm not that straight A anymore
i want to sit with my legs wide open and
laugh so loud that the whole damn restaurant
will turn and look at me and say
look at the tiger jumping out of her mouth

i've left bethlehem
i feel free
i've left the girl i was supposed to be and
someday i'll be born

no more sex-starved teachers
trying to touch my ass
i can finally be a teenager at age twenty-six
go to hell lions, tigers, and bears
i'm not afraid of you anymore
and my fear broke apart like fifty balloons
and i'm thrown around the room like party confetti now

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dead dead dead dead walking down to the road to dead

welcome to the church of me
where they stand in a line
with water from my eyes
and a song for comfort
you say it's jesus christ
well, i feel like him
i feel one, two, three
nails through me and
four through the heart

you walk the road to resurrection
and i walk the road to dead
and i'm giving you my devotion
but i walk the road to dead

Oh, man. i'm overcommitted.

Those of you who know me know that I have this tendency to keep myself so blindingly busy that I often forget to breath, eat, and occasionally, sleep. (Sleep being the thing that my body will claim for itself if I neglect it too long.)

But this time has even exceeded my previous record of having the lead role of a play while taking 16 hours of classes and trying to work and learn HTML. The things I have committed to:

  1. work (40-50 hours a week, plus about 10 hours commute).
  2. editor for the Content Workshop of Blueprints--I also write articles and do coordination.
  3. Community Leader in Wellesley, as well as being on the review committee.
  4. Working on my personal writing--this includes an ongoing effort to get putblished, and should also include several hours a week where I just sit down and work on stuff. the key word here being should.
  5. Upkeep and work on five seperate sites. I took one of them down officially the other day, may take down Dreaming of Darker Things for a little while next week, But Army of Me, this site, and Our Present Darkness are all still ongoing concerns. *sigh* I should probably give up on Army of Me, fold it into one of the other sites.
  6. The physical side of stuff--I'm doing yoga a couple of hours a week, and really should clear some time in my schedule to do other physical stuff.
  7. And, of course, i spend quite a bit of time with Shannon. but that's not really work. :)

There's a bunch of other things that I need to do--like improve the navigation of Following Smoke and rearrange the first page of this site, for example. But when will I have the TIME to do them all, pray tell?

it's probably time to start budgeting my time more tightly.

A bedtime story for a couple of little girls who want to sleep:

Once upon a time, there were two princesses who lived in two lands that were very far apart from each other. One of them had hair that was as pure white as the smow on the mountain and eyes that held the sea in them, the other was as golden as an afternoon in a valley and eyes like new leaves. They always knew of each other; they had never met, but sometimes the girls saw each other in mirrors or streams, or heard the other's voice in the wind.

The pale princess was listening one day to a birdsong, when the song began to sound like the golden princess' voice. "I need you." The voice was pleading. The the birdsong was gone, but the pale princess knew that she had to go to the other girl right away. But there was a problem--she didn't know where to find the other girl, or even where to start looking.

She went to some of the other people in the castle. None of them knew how to find someone they'd never met; it was a big world, and the golden princess could be anywhere. The only person who had any good advice was the garderner, who stopped hoeing a flower bed, wiping her brow as she listened to the princess' story.

"What I would do," she said, "is follow my heart. Your heart knows where she is."

It was very good advice, and the pale princess hastened to follow it. She got a bowl of water, a cork from a wine bottle, and a long pin. She put the pin through the cork and set the cork in the water. then she said to her heart, "Show me where the one who needs me lies."

The cork spun, wavered, and settled on a direction. West. she needed to go west. and so she did.

For weeks she travelled. Every once in a while, she would hear the other girl's voice on the wind, or catch sight of her in the water. But the contact was brief. Something bad was happening, but the other girl was very far away, and the pale princess could only go so fast.

Finally, the pale princess came to a castle. She knocked on a door in the wall of the castle, and someone opened the door. It was the other girl! They fell into eahc other's arms, holding each other tightly. Both of them wept, for it was a wonderful thing, to finally see each other face to face.

"I'm so happy you're here!" cried the golden princess. "This place that I am in is empty now, and I've been so lonely. Everyone has gone away from me; there used to be crowds here, but they all grew up, and went away..."

The pale princess said, "But I am here now, and I will stay! And, look--there is so much world here to explore! We could be happy here."

And as she said it, something wodnerful happened. The sunlight beamed down upon them, and they both felt their outlines dissolving into the sunlight. Soon, they had been freed from their forms, and were made of pure light. And they spent the next three eternities flying just for the joy of flying, and were happy together forever and ever.

The End.

(journal home page)